


when your sky comes crashing down

by hollyblue2



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Caring!Dean, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Mental Health Issues, hospitalised!Cas, human!AU, relationships aren't the cure all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-10-03 09:40:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10241771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollyblue2/pseuds/hollyblue2
Summary: Cas has refused to see Dean for the past three weeks and has finally let him in.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the daily challenge on the All Things Destiel and Cockles 18+ group on facebook. Challenge was to post fanart and then write a short fanfic for it. Except, it ended up long and it won't let me post it as a comment. 
> 
> The fanart I based this off is:  
> 
> 
> This work is currently unbeta'd. If there are any tags missing, let me know.

Cas is still tired when Dean enters Cas’ room at the centre. Tired with everything going on with him, with his mind. Everything hurts too much, but also, not enough and it wears him out.

Dean has tried to visit every week since he’s been admitted and each time Cas refused to see Dean until today. Today, while he didn’t feel better, he felt like he could at least face his best friend, his boyfriend and the one person who’s managed to stay with him through everything.

Cas doesn’t look up as Dean stands by the doorway, hovering like he’s waiting for permission to come closer. Cas doesn’t blame him. He’s pushed him away for the past three weeks and he expects Dean doesn’t know what to do.

Cas takes a deep breath, clears his ever-rampant mind and looks up.

“Hello, Dean.” He says. It’s strange speaking. He’s not spoken to many people except the therapist, he doesn’t even join in with group therapy despite his therapist’s requests.

“Hey, Cas,” Dean’s voice is a godsend. “Can I sit?”

Castiel nods slowly and takes his gaze back to the floor, there’s a speck of sock fluff in his vision and he focusses on it until he feels the bed dip beside him and Dean’s warm body next to his own.

There’s silence between them, Cas doesn’t want to talk and it seems Dean doesn’t either, but that’s okay. Cas spies Dean’s hand between their legs and looks at his hand quizzically. His fingers are pale from not eating as much as he should be and the nails are bitten short from nights spent not sleeping and stimming to get his mind to do something other than worry about things that aren’t even plausible. He decides, however, not to think about it too much for once and slips his hand into Dean’s warm hand. The warmth seeps through his joints and he can feel it tingle up his arm like vibrations. He finds himself breathing easier with the warmth and rests his head half-heartedly on Dean’s shoulder.

Lips brush over his forehead as Dean presses a kiss to his skin and he wants to wonder why Dean would even think of doing that. He’s not even showered for the past three days and yet Dean still kisses him like before.

Dean’s thumb runs over the back of Cas’ hand methodically, his wristband telling staff his name and other information catches against Dean’s elephant hair bracelet.

“Sorry,”

“S’okay,” Another kiss. God, he doesn’t deserve it. Weeks of not speaking to Dean and Dean is just okay with everything.

Silence again. It’s become Cas’ best friend and worst enemy. It allows him to think, and think too much. Right now, though, it allows him to listen to the rhythmic sound of Dean’s breathing, the click of footsteps and low voices in the hallway and the analogue clock that’s on one of his walls. Sometimes he wishes the window in his room would open so he can hear the birds and the trees swaying in the wind, but he only hears as the rain hits the pane in the dark storms.

Dean’s voice is low when he does start talking. There’s not long left until Dean will be told to go home and he’ll be left here until visiting day next week. “Sam and Jess have decided when they want to get married.” He tells him. _That’s nice._ “They’re gonna have a fall wedding, wait until you’re out of here, too.” That makes all of Cas’ thoughts pause.

“Why?”

“You’re family, Cas. They don’t want their wedding without all of us there. You’re important to them, Cas.” Dean explains carefully. He wishes the words meant something, wishes they would heal his mind but they just wash over him like all the other motivational statements he’s fed on a daily basis.

He nods. “Where?”

“There’s a lovely church where Jess grew up in Athens.”

“Greece?” Castiel questions. He didn’t realise Jess had been from Greece.

“No, Ohio.” Cas can hear the smile in Dean’s voice without looking at him.

“That… that makes more sense. Greece would have been a nice place.” Cas says. He cringes at the implication of his words, he doesn’t want Dean to think he preferred the real Athens to Athens, Ohio.

“We should visit sometime.” Dean replied, nudging against his shoulder.

“You don’t like flying,” Cas reminds him. Yes, he would like to go, but he’s not about to force Dean onto a plane.

“So what? Gotta get over that fear sometime, besides, I’ll have your hand to hold, right?” Dean seems hopeful. Cas likes that.

Cas takes the moment to raise his head and actually look at Dean. It’s like looking at him for the first ever time again. He notices everything. He has freckles dancing across his nose and a small scar on his bottom lip that he got from a school fight. His eyes are sad, but still green. He knows they’re sad because of him, because he’s here in the hospital and not at home with Dean every night like he should be, because he did something stupid and while he may not wholly regret it, seeing Dean’s eyes so sad makes his stomach ache and his insides twist and makes his mind want to spiral out of control.

Cas slips his hand out of Dean’s quickly before his mind starts telling him things that aren’t true. He puts both his hands, pale and cold, to Dean’s face and lifts it up so they’re eye to eye. They’re so sad, so so sad and Cas isn’t sure how to fix it but he knows he has to.

“Dean, don’t be sad.” He starts. The words feel stupid coming out of his mouth but he’ll just go with whatever he has and manage the consequences later. “Don’t be sad because I’m here. It’s a good thing. I’ll get better.” _Better_ , he doesn’t even know what that is yet. His therapist is trying hard with him but Cas isn’t helping her by not telling her a lot. “I’ll get better because I have you. Because on the outside I know we have a home and I know I have you.” Cas’ voice is a little panicked and he drops his hands. _How can he know he has Dean?_ Cas shakes himself, forces the thoughts away into a small, mental box. “I have you and I…” He stops. He can’t say _that_ , not here, not now.

“Yeah, I know, Cas.” Dean replies desperately, finding the words Cas couldn’t find to say.

Lips are on his just as one of the staff members enters the room to signal that it’s time for Dean to go. Dean pulls away having barely touched him, but gives him a small smile before pressing a kiss to his cheek and standing up.

Subconsciously, Cas reaches out for Dean and grabs hold of his hand again. He stands up, stretching out his muscles and wraps himself in a hug. The full bodily contact feels good. He breathes in Dean, all of him and makes himself remember him. Dean’s hugging back in seconds and holds him tight. Castiel wants to cry for the first time in weeks, he wants to let all the emotions he’s boxed away out but he knows that he won’t want Dean to leave if he does so he keeps them in check, at least until Dean’s gone.

“It’s okay, Cas. You’re gonna be okay, they’re gonna help you hear and I’ll be back next week if you want me to visit.”

“Yes.” Castiel ensures. “Please come.”

“Of course,” Dean worms himself out of the hug and Cas feels lighter without him, colder. “I’ll see you next week, Cas.” Dean smiles and it reaches his eyes this time. Cas is more than grateful for that; he’d have dreamed about sad eyes all week otherwise. Now, he doesn’t have to.

Dean reaches the door and Cas is still warm from their touch when he looks back, smiling. “I love you, Cas.”

He expects the words to pass right through him, but instead the hit him like a wave crashing on to the beach. He stumbles back a step as if the wave had actually hit him. It’s not the first time he’s said it to him, it just seems like this time it has so much more meaning to it. It makes him feel. It makes a tear crawl down his cheek even though he’s trying so hard not to cry right now. _I love you._ Dean loves him. Cas is going to get better because Dean loves Cas and Cas loves him back with the entirety of his heart. He loves him with every beat of his heart and every ounce of his soul.

Dean didn’t wait to hear it back, he’s off down the hallway to the exit and as much as Cas wants to go out after him and say it back to him he turns the other way and heads to the therapist’s office. He’s going to get better because Dean loves him and Cas loves him back and he wants to get better to feel all of it.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I've never been in a mental hospital and I know that it's unlikely that they'd let visitors into patient's personal rooms but for the sake of a story let's let it be and imagine this. I do, however, have anxiety and some of the feeling and thoughts in this aren't all that unfamiliar to me.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this :) It's just a small standalone piece.


End file.
